EAST TENNESSEE MEDIA

TSWA Award-Winning Chris Ayers 

February 20, 2010

  Former NBA great Charles Barkley once said “When you are a celebrity every day you wake up it is like Christmas Day.” If you break it down to a science…this is what controlled Tiger Woods to make the wrong decisions he has recently made regarding his rendezvous. When you are a celebrity the rules simply don’t apply to you. Well, at least you think they do not apply to you. Whenever Tiger Woods walks into a room the room is filled with a gigantic aura of confidence, charm, and popularity. Both women and men flock to the mega sports star. The romance and the bromance (straight guy star struck on a straight guy) is a recipe for disaster when you mix women on the prowl and a Tiger in the search of love or conquering aspects in his jungle.

On Friday, Tiger Woods finally made a public appearance and apology to everyone, which included his wife Elin. Reports are now surfacing that the 1,000,000,000 mistresses are all upset because he did not issue an apology to them.  Woods must make sure his family is the priority of his life instead of golf and he needs to keep himself out of the line for fire from here on out. For instance…instead of going out to party by himself or with his friends he should go home or take his family along to a different place. If he does need time to be with his friends or show off his manly side he should just play video games in his man cave at his house; something to the effect of being watched, but still having freedom to feel free.

Woods’ apology may have been staged or phony, but at least he is making an attempt to control his problems. Former Psychology guru Sigmund Freud once said that sexual desire is the primary motivational energy of human life. Well, if this is true Tiger has a long way to go before he conquers his demons. But, if anyone can do it Tiger Woods can. Tiger just needs to listen to his famous sponsor Nike…and Just Do It! Oh, brother come to think if it…maybe its Nike’s fault.

February 2, 2010

Well, its good to be back in Tennessee again. I would like to apologize for my month long absence. I was out in the western mountains on an Oregon Trail type adventure with East Tennessee Media writing sensation Kevin 'Biff' Barnard and current USC coach Lane Kiffin. I will provide some of the highlights of the adventure.

One late night at the campfire Kiffin's phone rang. Well, luckily I was awake, but Barnard was asleep. Barnard was asleep with his Go Grainger County pajamas on which he had purchased at a Knoxville Wal-Mart. Barnard was also reading the book..."Truck Driving For Dummies." Ok, that's beside the point, lets get back to the story.

Back to Kiffin's phone call. Lane thought both Barnard and I were asleep. On the other end of the phone conversation was his wife, Layla. Lane put the conversation on the speaker phone and it went a little something like this. "Lane, I am so glad we are out of Knoxville. Ever since you came to Knoxville every place in there has wanted you to be fired." Lane replied.."Well, why do you say that? "Layla responded, "Because every store I go into has the words...Fire Lane...written on the edge of the parking lot curb." I just smiled once I heard this on the speaker phone.

Anyways, the trip went well. I asked Lane why he left the University of Tennessee. He responded, "Well, you see...USC is my dream job. I have always wanted to coach USC. The University of South Carolina has always been my dream." Barnard chuckled and said, "South Carolina?"

Barnard then said, "Son, do you not know that I am from Grainger County and we know more about life than Tomatoes. Lane, hate to tell ya but you signed with the University of Southern California not South Carolina." Lane was dismayed. He could not believe what he was hearing. Lane then said, "But, I told them one kids that they would be pumping gas
in South Carolina on that one recruiting trip. And I accidently told a new recruit the other day if he don't go to South Carolina he can always pump gas at Southern California."

Both Barnard and I chuckled. We said what kind of fool are you? The yoda-like Barnard simply grinned and said "The kind of fool that leaves the University of Tennessee for a probation-bound school such as USC." I gave Biff Barnard a high five and
said "Good one my friend, good one."

Lane then jumped on his horse (it was really a donkey, but we did not tell him) and rode off into the sunset. Barnard and I then talked about filming Brokeback Mountain 2: The Lane Train together, but we decided not to.

I will always remember my times out west with Lane and Biff Barnard. USC I hope you love the Lane Train in California as much as Darren Headrick loved you in Tennessee. Best Wishes.

Chris Ayers is an award-winning journalist, who is known for his abilities to think ‘outside the box’ (score).
With over a thousand published articles, Mr. Ayers is not afraid of controversy and will ask the tough questions in order to inform the reader to the fullest. His highlights have included columns that have been deemed ‘too wordy’.
He is a graduate of Walters State with a history degree and he is currently attending Tusculum College in pursuit of a Bachelor of Science in Organizational Management.
Mr. Ayers is a former baseball coach at Morristown West High School. He was also a four-year varsity starter at shortstop for the Trojans.
He resides in Morristown with his wife, Missy, and their two children.